D Observations

The alarm goes off and I have that feeling again. My mind, my body just won’t move. I've lost control again and I've sunk back into that deep hole of depression. I try and get up. I try and talk myself into the day. I try and set the alarm again, figuring I’ll just go in a little late to work. Somedays this works, today is not that day.

In fact, that has how most days have been for me since I was in my college. Some years were better than others, and I could make it through. When I was in therapy I would start to feel better, but as soon as therapy ended so did the good feelings.

This ugly pattern has continued for so many years, until I finally hit bottom. Losing job after job, canceling on event after event, spending months in bed. Barely being able to function or even caring if I did.

Finally, at the age of 36, I'm beginning to crawl out of the that hole. But it is taking a lot of therapy and medication. I still pray everyday that I will get back to myself and want to participate in life, in the life I want to live. I want to be happy and successful, but the fear and anxiety are still lingering just below the surface, making me wonder when the next nose dive will happen.

Religious/Observant doesn't always mean respectful

This nice jewish girl has been looking for her nice jewish counterpart in almost every online nook and cranny available. Wanting to find someone who is willing to have a more observant, but not orthodox, kind of life I thought I would frumster.com.

My adventures began with being emailed by men old enough to be my father. One guy was 60 and lived in FL. He proceeded to educate me on the wonderful world of the 60 year old, single jewish guy who enjoys mall walking. I grew up in FL and know exactly what mall walking is and who are the candidates who participate in the activity...senior citizens. It is a way to get exercise without having to do it in the hot FL sun. I had to ask, why would a guy of this age and stage in life be interested in a woman in her early 30's?

This is a question my friends and I ponder often when we receive emails and other forms of online communications from much older men. Because yes, we would love to get involved with a man who will probably drop dead before we even enter into the medicare category, who we will end up spending caring for during our prime years. Personally, the only diapers I am interested in changing are the ones of my future children.

I gave myself a one month deadline on frumster.com and so that month came and went and I cancelled my account. I actually deleted it from the site because I was tired of having creepy, older guys from random countries email me. I moved on to new adventures.